Stuck In The Mud, or Metaphors Are Us

On November 6th, 2006, The USS Intrepid Floating Museum was to be moved from her berth on the West Side of Manhattan, where she had been living after her Naval decommissioning, to Bayonne, NJ, so that she could undergo a much needed overhaul and get all spruced up for future generation of war-pr0n loving Americans.

The above pic is from an Ebay promotion where 6 seats were to be sold at $100k a pop.

Guess what?

Wouldn't you know it?

Here in the land of Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coullter, and Rupert Murdoch's flag waving, jingoistic, war-profiteering gang over there at Fox News there were...

No takers.

None.

Zilch.

Zero.

De Nada.

The Big Zero.

Goose Eggs.

Not one of those fucker wanted to step up to the plate and do the right thing with their ill-gotten gains.

At least none that wanted to put their money where their moufs are and "Support The Troops" in a tangible way, past putting a magnetic yellow sticker on their Stupid Ugly Vehicles.

Which is just as well, because after sitting in that one spot for the better part of 20 years, a lot of silt built up and she got, well, stuck in the motherfucking mud!

How's that for a metaphor for our age?

And on the Monday before the Mid-Term Congressional Elections, no less.

(Full Disclosure: I once kinda briefly lived aboard the USS Intrepid a few months prior to my enlistment in the US Marine Corps, here's the story I've relayed elsewhere to a friend about it:

Back in 1986 I worked on a Michael Keaton movie called 'The Squeeze' and practically lived on board this sucker for about two weeks because it was 8 hours between call and my commute home, (we shot at night, yuck), was a 2 hour journey each way, so a coupla mornings I'd do the linger in the background thing until everybody left and I'd go sleep for a few hours in my little hidey-place.

It was funny, on the days I left with the crew the pre-Ghouliani era hookers were waiting for us at the exit gates. Always made me feel like I was leaving a factory in the 1930's instead of modern day film location. :-)

When the movie came out, it was clear that they had re-shot some of the sequences that didn't involve HS Marching bands, NJ General cheerleaders, Marine Corps Color Guard and John Davidson, in a studio in North Carolina....

.... I was a Set\Parking PA,Craft Service, Evian Water Boy, Stepin Fetchit.

One of the more interesting tasks on that job was they had me go out and buy gallons and gallons of that ghetto wine, Ripple, because Micheal Keaton's lovable loser character is supposed to take a bath in it according to the script, though I think they cut that scene out of the movie.

Another example of the profligate wastefulness of Hollywood.

The again, it wasn't a total waste for me, by the end of shoot, Über-hottie, Rae Dawn Chong, Tommy Chong's daughter, and the movie's love interest was calling me by my name. :-) How cool is that?")

Update: After several weeks of effort, an effort that cost significantly more than the $600K they tried to raise in the $100k per seat promotion, they finally got the mud cleared from the propellors and got the old girl moved so she can get her 21st century Museum refurbishment.

If things go according schedule, she should be back just in time for a triumphal return to Manhattan just in time for the 2008 Presidential elections.

Then again, I wouldn't hold my breath.