Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New Year Except For the 3,000 Dead Americans in Iraq

Hot Off The Press, 3,000 American Military Dead In Iraq

All fatalities with active DOD links have been confirmed by The Department of Defense.
3,000 Americans Murdered In Iraq

Happy New Year.


Gee, Matt, you prick, where's your flashing blood Red Siren now?

You're a pig.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Saddam Hussein Will Hang By The Neck Until Dead!!!!

From Sergio Leone's The Good, The Bad And The Ugly by way of sample on Big Audio Dynamite's first song, Medicine Show on their 1985 debut album, This Is Big Audio Dynamite:

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this State
The condemned is found guilty of crimes and murder
Armed robbery of citizens, state banks, and post offices
The theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison
Perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children
Inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion
Receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods
Passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this State
The condemned is guilty of using marked cards...
Therefore, according to the powers vested in us
We sentence the accused before us
Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez (known as the Rat)
And any other aliases he might have
To hang by the neck until dead
May God have mercy on his soul...
.... Proceed!!!!
Duck you suckers!!!!
(sound of rapid gunfire)
Now that the above fate is also that of Saddam Hussein, partly for the one-time gassing of of 30,000 of his own people, (though I know that that isn't what he was on trial and sentenced for, but still....), using the poison gas that the Government of The United States of America sold him, wouldn't it be possible to apply the same standard to the Executives of Big Tobacco?


I ask this question as a life-long smoker.

After all the poison gas of cigarettes murders 400,000 of our fellow Americans, each and every year, so I gotta ask, what's the motherfucking difference?

I know, I know, nobody puts a gun to anybody's head to make them smoke, I've heard that one, but the fact remains that even after the ill effects of cigarette smoking became widely known, as well as the efforts of Big Tobacco to supress those findings, this industry, and those that lead it, spend hundreds of millions of dollars, each and every year, to not only produce and distribute these death sticks, but to advertise them to the general public as well, in many cases targeting this advertising at children, in the hopes of getting them addicted and buying their products at an early age.

Once addicted, a lot of choice is removed from people that they would otherwise have, in fact that's the whole point of getting people addicted to something in the first place.

So, ask yourself here, just who is more evil?

Saddam Hussein who gassed his own people, for political advantage, or Big Tobacco who gasses to death 10 times as many people in The United States of America each year, as a way of making a buck?

If Saddam Hussein is being held to account for his "Crimes Against Humanity"then why can't Big Tobacco be held to account in the same way too?

I'm just sayin'....

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Introducing Yahuda Bangs.....

Let's all give a fiery
A Pen Warmed In Hell welcome to today's guest author, none other than The World's Famous, Revolutionary, Firebrand, of The Far East, One Yahuda Bangs himself, most recently hailing from The Little Red Email, who has graciously deigned to grace our presence here today with his pick for A Pen Warmed In Hell's Regular Feature, which you have all come to know, and love, as our greatly anticipated:

A Pen Warmed In Hell's First Annual Political Cretin of the Year Award.

So may we bring to you, without any further adieu, the man you all know, and love, who needs no further introduction, the one and only Yahuda Bangs!

Take it away, Yahuda!

A Pen Warmed In Hell's First Annual Political Cretin of the Year
by Yahuda Bangs

One of the most time honored traditions in media is the year-end feature listing the superlative (or superlatives) in any particular category. The task this year has fallen upon me, and the category on which I’ve been asked to expound by my overlords in A Pen Warmed In Hell's Media Bunker (located deep inside Manhattan’s Underground Subway System) is that of

Political Cretin of the Year.
Occasional dalliances in the Far East aside, this column has primarily concerned itself with the field of American politics, and it is thus from this field that my candidates are drawn.

Looking back at the American body politic of 2006 provides a panoramic view of scumbaggery in all its myriad forms:

  • From the naked hypocrisy of a morally and ethically bankrupt ruling party clinging tenaciously to a fictitious moral high ground, claiming to the very end to be the party of family values (all the while sheltering pedophiles within their ranks), to the dying spasms of the same party attempting to cling to power through fear, intimidation, and outright electoral fraud.

  • From a Vice President so inured in treachery that deception was his natural strategy for dealing with a simple hunting accident, to the lapdog right wing media that attempted to spin the incident as having been the fault of the shot rather than the shooter, only to be slapped back into line by, of all people, gun nuts.

  • From the outright lies told by an American president to continue the war in Iraq, to the fraud and mismanagement committed by those whose financial interests lie in the continuation of a pointless conflict physically destroying one country while simultaneously corroding the collective soul of another.

So you see, even the most cursory glance back at 2006 produces a bumper harvest of scumbags from which to chose, and picking one choice rose from this field of bastards is a difficult task.

In choosing a “Cretin of the Year” I had to ask myself to accept the heavy responsibility of assigning ultimate blame for the horrible mess the world is in on one individual alone. The individual in question, I realized, would need to be one revered by some and despised by others, someone whose fingerprints could be found on the levers of power (even if actual power were held by some ruthless shadow-cabal, and the prints put there only for appearance).

Though there are many worthy choices for Cretin of the Year, the criteria left me with only one true candidate to fill the position of ceremonial head scumbag. Thus, without further adieu, I’d like to announce the man to whom this dubious honor is bestowed.

Our Cretin of the Year is a man who has proven himself completely divorced from reality. He is an individual whose bumbling clownishness has forever besmirched the reputation of not merely the presidency, but of the nation itself. The damage done to America’s standing in the world by our Cretin of the Year cannot be mended by the mere passing of time. Indeed, this individual’s performance record is so shoddy that his very name will go down in the annals of history as a stain on the reputation of the high office (a position gained through dubious means) itself:

Gerald R. Ford.

Though decades have passed since this buffoon, this taint on the high office itself, was removed from power, I believe I speak for everyone at when I say that that the damage done to the nation by his decision to pardon
Richard Nixon, not to mention his pithy ‘Whip Inflation Now’ button campaign, can never truly be…

Excuse me.

What? No, no, the internet’s been down since the earthquake, I haven’t seen the news since…

He what? You don’t say. Wow. That changes everything. No, no. I totally agree, that would be a bad move.

This just in.

Former President Gerald Ford has passed away at the age of 93.

A Pen Warmed In Hell wishes him a glorious afterlife. May death come swiftly to his enemies!

In unrelated news, for his unparalleled role in the ongoing destruction of Iraq and Afghanistan, for overseeing the collapse of the American military, for willfully ignoring impending environmental challenges, and for blindly leading his lemming-like constituency as well as much of the world over a cliff and into a dark abyss from which return will be nigh impossible, the A Pen Warmed In Hell award for Cretin of the Year goes to.....

George W. Bush.

Again, for the third year in a row.

Way to go, Asshole.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

We Made It!!!!!!!

Iraq, the gift that keeps on giving.

With the 4 Christmas Day Deaths in Iraq we finally, finally, finally beat the record of 2,973 murdered on 9/!! by 2 dead Americans.

9\!! ~ 2,973 Dead
Iraq ~ 2,975 Dead

For a moment there I thought it just wasn't going to happen, got it in right under the wire, which just goes to show ya that you can never misunderstimate the "Can-Do" spirit of the American people, when they set their minds to a goal.

Isn't this the Best Christmas, ever?

Here's the story fresh off the wire:

The Associated Press
Tuesday, December 26, 2006; 6:57 AM

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- At least 36 Iraqis died Tuesday in bombings, officials said, including a coordinated strike that killed 25 in western Baghdad. Separately, the deaths of six U.S. soldiers pushed the American toll beyond the number of victims in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

The three coordinated car bombs in western Baghdad injured at least 55 people, a doctor at Yarmouk hospital, where the victims were taken, said on condition of anonymity because of safety concerns. The attacks occurred in a mixed Sunni and Shiite neighborhood.

In separate attacks, a bomb exploded in a central Baghdad market, killing four people and wounding 15 others, police said. Two roadside bombs targeted an Iraqi police patrol in an eastern neighborhood of the capital, killing four policemen and injuring 12 people.

In Kirkuk, 180 miles north of the Iraqi capital, another roadside bomb killed three civilians _ including an 8-year-old girl _ and wounded six other people, police said.

The U.S. military on Tuesday announced the deaths of six more American soldiers, pushing the U.S. military death toll since the beginning of the Iraq war in March 2003 to at least 2,978 _ five more than the number killed in the Sept. 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania.

The milestone came with the deaths of the three soldiers Monday and three more Tuesday in roadside bomb attacks near Baghdad, the military said.

President Bush has said that the Iraq war is part of the United States' post-Sept. 11 approach to threats abroad. Going on offense against enemies before they could harm Americans meant removing the Taliban from power in Afghanistan, pursuing members of al-Qaida and seeking regime change in Iraq, Bush has said.

Democratic leaders have said the Bush administration has gotten the U.S. bogged down in Iraq when there was no evidence of links to the Sept. 11 attacks, detracting from efforts against al-Qaida and other terrorist groups.

The AP count of those killed includes at least seven military civilians. Prior to the deaths announced Tuesday, the AP count was 15 higher than the Defense Department's tally, last updated Friday. At least 2,377 died as a result of hostile action, according to the military's numbers."

Fucking Awesome!!!

Bush said, "Bring It ON!" and I guess he got taken up on it, huh?

Merry Christmas.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Monday

Jurrasic Pork expands on his ever burgeoning "It's A Blunderful Life" meme, complete with PhotoShopped illustrations done by a talented collaborator over at Hooterville.

Go check it out, tell him Nyc sent ya.

Today, of all days, when the death toll in Iraq, 2,972, pulls to within one death of tying the 9/!! record of 2,973 dead.

That enough of a Christmas "miracle" for ya?

Don't go too heavy on the eggnog.

Oh, and Pope Nazi?

Quit kidding yourself and your flock with your delusions.

All the "Prayer's For Peace" in the world are not going to bring back a one of those men and women, so knock that bullshit off.


James Brown, Genius Of Love

Rest in Peace dear man, and thank you so much for making the world a better, and a whole lot more fun, place, while you were here.

Your music will live FOREVER and we will all love you a day longer.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Oh, Festivus

Today's Iraq American War Dead Tally Is At: 2,966.

9/!!'s death toll was 2,973.

Only 8 more to go.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

4 Years Ago Today, Joe

We need your voice today now than ever, so sad that you've been gone.

Here you are on stage, at the Ed Sullivan Theatre in NYC, looking all Johnny Cash like, 3 weeks after 9/!!.

You're a class act, always.


This picture was created by World Class Photographer Kristopher Johnson who is featured on the A Pen Warmed In Hell sidebar linked under the word "Beauty".

Please visit his site to see his work, you won't be disappointed in that he's currently one of the best photographers working in New York City today, and if you've got the means, think of him first if you've got a photography project you want to have done.

You can't possibly go wrong and his Rates are a complete bargain.

When you do hire him, tell 'em Nyc sent ya. :-)

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Rumsfeld Memo And Me

This is from a Crooks & Liars comment I posted earlier this evening on a thread about Matt Damon saying that the Bush twins oughtta be serving it Iraq that refused to go through on HaloScan, so I'm posting it here instead.....

I don't know how many times I need to repeat this until it sinks in...
We WON the war in Iraq.
A long time ago.
We deposed Saddam.
Mission Accomplished.
If there were any WMDs in Iraq, there aren't any there now.
Mission Accomplished.
Plus, since Iraq is in an utter state of chaos today, it's going to be impossible for the Iraqis to develop a WMD Program of any sort for the conceivable future, irregardless of how motivated they may be to create one.
Mission Accomplished.
Additionally, we set up a "democracy" in Iraq as well.
Mission Accomplished.
Again, and etch this one into your brain, so you don't forget, we *already* won the war in Iraq.
It's the OCCUPATION of Iraq that we're having a hard time dealing with.
How's that for a set of "talking points" to flip at the chickenhawk wing-nutters out there?
Try it out on them, if your experience is anything like mine, you'll get to hear them stutter.
BTW, if this sounds familar, it is, since it was one of the options that Rumsfeld listed on his Pre-election day memo of November 6th:

Below the Line (less attractive options):

¶Continue on the current path.
¶Move a large fraction of all U.S. Forces into Baghdad to attempt to control it.
¶Increase Brigade Combat Teams and U.S. forces in Iraq substantially.
¶Set a firm withdrawal date to leave.
Declare that with Saddam gone and Iraq a sovereign nation, the Iraqi people can govern themselves. Tell Iran and Syria to stay out.

Ok, so he buried in there under the less attractive options, but it's there. How cool is that? Bet it's one option that they're seriously considering over at 1600 Penn & The Pentagon since you know that they're actively looking for a way out and that every single Refucklican candidate from Cheney, McCain, Rice, Ghouliani on down don't want to go into the 2008 election with the Iraq millstone around their necks.

Friday, December 8, 2006

9/!! v. Iraq

Another Craigslist posting by me:

9/!! v. Iraq

Reply to:
Date: 2006-12-08, 10:49AM EST

The whole over/under odds betting thing is so popular with you jocks for brains people, here's one for ya bloodthirsty "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth" folks:

The amount of Americans killed on 9/!!, 9/!!, not counting the 24 that are still reported missing, and the 19 hijackers, is at 2,973 dead people.

As of today the amount of American soldiers killed, not maimed or otherwise wounded, in Iraq stands at 2,922 dead.

That's a difference of 51 dead people, with 9/!!, 9/!!, still holding a slim lead.

What's the over/under for Iraq combat deaths catching up 9/!! deaths by:






New Years Eve?

Added bonus points if instead of betting, any of you Chicken Hawks put your money where your moufs are and "support the troops" by enlisting in the military.

Contracting for Halliburton or KBR doesn't count.

See you in hell.

And, oh, by the way, Happy Holidays, you bitches.

  • Location: It's Hamurabbi Time!!!
  • It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

I Fear Something Terrible Has Happened.....

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.....
And another one is gone.

Jerry Springer, citing the many commercail opportunities that have come his way, and aren't likeley to return, since his appearance on Dancing With The Stars, has folded up his tents and quit doing his Air America Radio show, Springer On The Radio.

I can't stand it.

This sucks, he was, hands-down, the best host that Air America had.

Well at least we took the House and Senate, but that's a small consolation for this loss.

The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!!!

Friday, December 1, 2006

7 Million In US Prisons And Moore's Law

It took the United States of America 218 years to reach the "1 million citizens in prisons" mark.

That happened in 1994.

Today, in 2006, a scant 12 years later, the number is now at 7 million citizens in prison, and climbing.

Days Left Until Bush Leaves Office, Maybe, Countown Clock